ESPN the Magazine has put together a music issue featuring athletes posing as famous album covers. Here is Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Josh Freeman as Michael Jackson (slightly modified) on the Thriller cover.
The issue also features NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson as Bob Dylan and track and field sprinter Allyson Felix as Beyoncé. You’ve got to give it to ESPN the Magazine for knowing their audience. They took athletes their readers might usually not care about and dressed them up as musicians they probably don’t care about.
Here’s a quick two-for-one to get us through til tomorrow. Rex and Rob Ryan are current NFL coaches but in 1981 they were members of the Southwest Oklahoma State University football team where they sported matching PENCIL THIN STEESHES!!!
Who is going to win the Super Bowl? Well it’s all up to Joe Flacco. Last year he had a pretty nice mustache and he went and shaved it off for some reason. If he comes out with a steesh on Sunday I’m betting all my money ($11) on the Ravens.
Michael Phelps was on the sideline to watch the Ravens beat the Patriots last night. If I saw him on the street looking the way he did last night, there’s no way I would be able to recognize him. In fact, if I saw him anywhere dressed in anything other than a swim suit and swim cap, I probably wouldn’t take notice.
Phelps, who is a big fan of the Ravens, said that he drew inspiration from Ray Lewis to come back and train for the 2012 Olympic games. No word yet who Phelps murdered in order to start his comeback.
Cliff Harris is a former Dallas Cowboys safety. He went to the Pro Bowl six times in 10 years so it was a surprise to many when he retired at the age of 31 to focus on his oil ventures. At the press conference when he retired, a reporter told Cliff that he was a football player and he should leave the oil to the oilmen. Cliff responded with this:
“I’ve traveled over half our state to be here tonight. I couldn’t get away sooner because my new well was coming in at Coyote Hills and I had to see about it. That well is now flowing at two thousand barrels and it’s paying me an income of five thousand dollars a week. I have two others drilling and I have sixteen producing at Antelope. So, ladies and gentlemen… if I say I’m an oil man you will agree.”
Charles “Peanut” Tillman is another Bears player getting in on some Movember fun. It’s difficult to find pictures of these guys without their helmets on, but Charles was nice enough to tweet this picture of himself sporting a steesh.
I heard Peanut on the radio a few years back saying that to keep warm during cold games in Chicago, he lathers himself up with vaseline. How slippery!
The Rams are not very good, but they need to reward the people who come to their games, so they will be treating their opener as a Stache Bash. This is an easy promotion since 95% of St. Louis Ram’s fans already have a mustache, while the other 5% are either babies or thought they were going to the zoo to see actual rams.
Jarrell Root is a rookie defensive end for the Miami Dolphins. On a season of Hard Knocks that has featured Dolphin’s coach Joe Philbin picking up gum wrappers and telling his team to clean up their locker room, Jarrell has been a fun character to watch. His play-by-play in the second preseason game is the most fun you can have watching the 4th quarter of a preseason NFL game.
Andy Reid, head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles and possible Yosemite Sam impersonator, has gone on record that he is growing out his mustache because he can no longer grow hair. I applaud him. Most older men who can no longer grow hair simply grow out their eyebrows and ear and nose hair.
Erin Andrews is leaving ESPN after 8 years to join Fox Sports. After famously being stalked and videotaped in the nude in 2008 by some loon who followed her around the country, she was fed up with being sexually harassed at ESPN by the likes of Chris Berman and Steve Phillips, I’m assuming.
Not a good day to be featured on this site. First a basketball playing criminal, then a sports writing scammer, and now a retired football player found dead.
Junior Seau has been found dead in his home where police are investigating a shooting (suicide?). This is according to Yahoo, who is siting TMZ. I think everyone just sites TMZ in case they get one wrong, in hopes of some one suing them for everything they have and getting their terrible show taken off the air.
My cousin thinks he was shot to death for over-celebrating every tackle like he just won the super bowl. I don’t know how he lives with himself.