Monthly Archives: December 2011

Idris Elba

Idris Elba played Stringer Bell on The Wire. Although he mainly went with the goatee in the show, he is not stranger to the steesh.

Aaron Ruell

Aaron Ruell played Kip in Napoleon Dynamite, which is set to return as a cartoon early next year. My 19-year-old self would be very excited about this, but as it stands I might check out the first episode with very little hope of it being any good. I do admit, however, that when Napoleon Dynamite comes on TV, I will still keep it on if I know any of Kip’s good lines are coming up.

Boris Karloff

Boris Karloff is probably most famous for portraying the monster in the 1931 version of Frankenstein, but he is also the voice of the Grinch in the 1966 TV short How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Every year when I remember to watch the cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, it makes me wish that everyone involved in the Jim Carrey version would be fired from Hollywood.

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is reprising his role as Ethan Hunt in the fourth installment of Mission Impossible, this one entitled Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. It’s probably a decent movie and it will make a lot of money over the next few weeks. Unfortunately, I can’t see it due to my strict rule of not seeing movies with more than one punctuation mark in the title.

Rob Wells

Rob Wells played Ricky on the Canadian series Trailer Park Boys. The show lasted 7 seasons with a couple of movies mixed in along the way. If you’ve never seen it, you really should check it out. It is hilarious.

I’ve often thought that Canadians are funnier than American’s, but that might be influenced by my love for anything John Candy.

Richard Hamilton-Harrow

The first thing I thought of when I heard Richard “Rip” Hamilton was joining the Chicago Bulls was that he would probably want to try to give himself a new image. After 2 years in turmoil in Detroit, following 8 years of success, it only makes sense that Rip would try out a new mask with the Bulls. I think we can all agree that there is no better mask out there right now than Richard Harrow’s from Boardwalk Empire.

Mustache Egg Fryer

If you’ve ever woken up and thought, “I want eggs, but only if they are shaped like a mustache,” this Mustache Egg Fryer is what you need.

This is the third gift idea I’ve posted this week. As you may have noticed they are getting progressively more absurd. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy it for me or someone else with horrible taste.

Michael C. Hall

Michael C. Hall plays the title character on Dexter. He plays a serial killer who kills other serial killers. Dexter really gets a thrill out of it. He keeps little blood slides of the people he kills. Last weekend there was a dream sequence where he made out with his sister on the show, who is actually Hall’s ex-wife in real life. Still, this is the creepiest I’ve ever seen him look.

Tony Sparano

As head coach of the Miami Dolphins, Tony Sparano has led his team to 18 wins over the last 45 games. The Packers are probably going to win 19 out of 19 games this year alone, so it’s no wonder that Tony is finally getting axed.

It’s not all bad news for Sparano. He’s been coaching football for 27 years so I’m sure he’ll land on his steesh with another job soon.

Mustache Magnet

Continuing with the mustache gift series, here is a Mustache Magnet that would annoy please anyone. This isn’t just a cute little mustache magnet you can throw on a picture to make it look the like person has a steesh. This thing is over 2 feet long!

I recommend buying it for anyone who takes the decorating of their refrigerator too seriously. After all, it’s just there to keep your hot dogs from spoiling.

Louis CK

Many people might argue that Louis CK has more of goatee than a mustache, but I’m the only person posting these god damn things so get off my back. Louie is one of the best shows on TV so if I want to put him on this site and say his goatee is a mustache, I’m going to say his goatee is a mustache.

You can also buy his new stand up special for $5 on his website if you can get the page to load before you throw your computer off of a wall like I did after 10 attempts.

What If They Grew A Steesh – Derek Jeter

It’s been reported that Derek Jeter is having one night stands and then sending the women(?) home with gift baskets filled with Jeter memorabilia – the highlight being a signed baseball. I guess if you’re going to be an asshole you might as well be a conceded one.

What If They Grew A Steesh – Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson has somehow tricked everyone into forgetting that it’s normal to gain weight when they are pregnant. I’m sure some women use Weight Watchers to slim down after pregnancy, but Jessica Simpson will now get paid $3 million to do so.

Paying her to lose weight when she most certainly would have anyway is like someone paying me to cry at the end of Titanic.