Monthly Archives: March 2012

What If They Grew A Steesh: Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence is in The Hunger Games, so that’s reason enough to give her a steesh. My roommate made me go see the movie last weekend and I am disappointed that I wasn’t disappointed.

Vince Vaughn

Vince Vaughn had a nice cookie duster in Starsky and Hutch. The movie was not horrible. If you’ve never seen it, turn on FX right now. It’s probably on.

Nick Swardson

I rewatched 30 Minutes or Less last night. It was nice to see Nick Swardson in a role where he didn’t have to pretend to be a weird gay guy. He was really good as the crazy gay guy.

Jake Johnson

Jake is all over the place these days and sometimes he has a steesh. He is currently on the Fox show New Girl, which isn’t such a bad show. He’s got a part in the movie 21 Jump Street that comes out today and is getting much better reviews than anyone (I) could have imagined.

He really did a great job as Teddy in the movie Ceremony, which now plays on premium channels quite a bit, and he also had a small role in my favorite scene from the web series Clark and Michael.

Gene Hackman

Gene Hackman was a good actor. He retired in 2006 and has actually stuck to it. He’s been in a lot of good movies, but when I think of him I immediately picture the disgusting chain-smoking guy from Heartbreakers, which is a better movie than you remember.

John Hodgman

John Hodgman is an author, actor, and humorist. He is probably best known for his correspondent work on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and for his personification of a PC in contrast to Justin Long’s personification of a Mac in Apple’s “Get a Mac” advertising campaign.

Let’s just be completely honest. This is one hell of a cookie duster. It almost looks like those new king size snickers bars, the way they come in two pieces. You really have to respect this guy.

Dwight Howard

I feel like it would be an agonizing process to try to order take-out with Dwight Howard. He would talk all about how he wanted Chinese food and once you find the menu for the place with the good egg rolls he’d decide what he really wants is pizza. So you’d figure out where to order the pizza and discuss what you wanted on it (Dwight, I don’t want any fucking onions on my pizza). Then this guy starts talking fried rice again. I just imagine it getting to about 9pm and we are both eating cereal without milk because the milk in the fridge is expired.

Matthew Broderick

Matthew Broderick is growing a mustache for an upcoming play. If you want to know what his family thinks about it, check out this fascinating article. If you want to know what the FBI thinks about it, check the file they have started on him since he started growing it, I assume.

Brandon Marshall

Brandon Marshall was traded to the Bears yesterday. As a Bears fan that makes me happy. As a fan of people who are completely out of their mind, that makes me very happy.

Today it was reported that Brandon Marshall may have hit a woman in the face this weekend, causing a black eye (I like crazy, but this is not cool). Welcome to the team, Brandon!

Man wearing fake mustache, partner charged with credit card fraud

Two men, on who was shamelessly wearing a fake mustache to try to hide his identity, were arrested and charged on crimes related to using fake credit cards to buy and then sell power tools. The man using the fake steesh should be punished with life in prison.

What If They Grew A Steesh – Heather Morris

Another “celebrity” has had naked pictures exposed on the internet. Heather Morris is on Glee, so I recognize her, but only from commercials and the first 7 episodes that I watched.

A fun fact about Heather is that she doesn’t have the Internet. If she did she would have never taken naked pictures of herself on her phone, because if the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that celebrities who take naked pictures will always get hacked.

I’m not posting the picture, but if you can read this, you can probably figure out how to google it.