Monthly Archives: March 2012

Gene Hackman

Gene Hackman was a good actor. He retired in 2006 and has actually stuck to it. He’s been in a lot of good movies, but when I think of him I immediately picture the disgusting chain-smoking guy from Heartbreakers, which is a better movie than you remember.

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Michael Wilbon

Who knew that Michael Wilbon used to sport a steesh? And he had hair! And apparently those two things made him sweat while sitting at a table because he required a wristband.

John Hodgman

John Hodgman is an author, actor, and humorist. He is probably best known for his correspondent work on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and for his personification of a PC in contrast to Justin Long’s personification of a Mac in Apple’s “Get a Mac” advertising campaign.

Let’s just be completely honest. This is one hell of a cookie duster. It almost looks like those new king size snickers bars, the way they come in two pieces. You really have to respect this guy.

Dwight Howard

I feel like it would be an agonizing process to try to order take-out with Dwight Howard. He would talk all about how he wanted Chinese food and once you find the menu for the place with the good egg rolls he’d decide what he really wants is pizza. So you’d figure out where to order the pizza and discuss what you wanted on it (Dwight, I don’t want any fucking onions on my pizza). Then this guy starts talking fried rice again. I just imagine it getting to about 9pm and we are both eating cereal without milk because the milk in the fridge is expired.

Matthew Broderick

Matthew Broderick is growing a mustache for an upcoming play. If you want to know what his family thinks about it, check out this fascinating article. If you want to know what the FBI thinks about it, check the file they have started on him since he started growing it, I assume.

Brandon Marshall

Brandon Marshall was traded to the Bears yesterday. As a Bears fan that makes me happy. As a fan of people who are completely out of their mind, that makes me very happy.

Today it was reported that Brandon Marshall may have hit a woman in the face this weekend, causing a black eye (I like crazy, but this is not cool). Welcome to the team, Brandon!