Crazy Legs Conti is an American competitive eater. He is currently ranked twentieth in the world by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. That means there are at least 19 more of them.

Crazy Legs participated in the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest yesterday. He didn’t win and I’ve spent 5 minutes trying to find out the results, but I guess the internet doesn’t care. All I can figure out is that Joey Chestnut tied the world record by eating 68 hot dogs, so he’ll now smell like hot dogs for the following week.

In related news, I set a record for the loneliest 4th of July celebration by spending the day alone, ordering a pizza online and watching a mini-marathon of The New Girl.