Monthly Archives: January 2013

Who Is Going To Win The Super Bowl?

Who is going to win the Super Bowl? Well it’s all up to Joe Flacco. Last year he had a pretty nice mustache and he went and shaved it off for some reason. If he comes out with a steesh on Sunday I’m betting all my money ($11) on the Ravens.

What Time Does The Puppy Bowl Start?

Puppy Bowl 2013 Mustache

Why the F would we know?! Unless this little guy is playing (or more likely “scouting talent” IYKWIM) we aren’t interested.

Wade Boggs Hates Deer

Wade Boggs Mustache Dear Heads

Wade Boggs is a former MLB third baseman who played 18 years for Boston, New York and Tampa Bay. According to this picture he loves his family. I bet every night his family goes to bed thankful that they are not deer because Wade HATES DEER.

There are 8 dead deer in this picture alone. In addition, in the top right corner of the picture there is the head of what is either a bear or maybe even a dog. Still the most disturbing part of this picture has to be the jean shorts he’s allowed his son to wear while cameras are around.

This picture comes from @si_vault on twitter, which is a fun place for old sports pictures of all kinds.

What If They Grew A Steesh: A Turkey

Turkey with a Mustache

I don’t think animals can grow mustaches, but this turkey doesn’t even need to go to Turkey for a transplant when I’ve got photoshop and a little bit too much time on my hands.

Mustache Transplants Exist In Turkey

Turkish Mustache

Here at Steeshes.com our motto probably should be “We search ‘mustache’ in Google News so you don’t have to.” As you can imagine, a lot of the time it results in mug shots, or more often than not, it results in nothing. Well today, WE GOT ONE!

Apparently, mustaches are such a big deal in Turkey that guys are willing to get Mustache Transplants!

“Oh, so a few yam-bags have had surgery in order to have a mustache?”

In Istanbul alone there are over 250 clinics that offer mustache transplants and the article uses phraseology like “Hair tourism,” which makes me feel more uncomfortable than I can express in words.

Katy Perry Mans Up On Ellen

Katy Perry Mustache Ellen

Katy Perry helped Ellen Degeneres celebrate her 55th birthday last week by coming on her show dressed as a male game show host. Male Katy hosted a game called “Grab Ellen’s Bust” which sounds inappropriate if you ask me. I wouldn’t know though. I turned off the video 30 seconds in because I was feeling embarrassed for some of the audience members and how excited they were getting.

What If They Grew A Steesh: Oprah Winfrey

Today is Oprah’s birthday. She is 59 years old. I thought it would be fun to post one of the first “What If They Grew A Steesh” posting we ever had, from May 2008. I would update the bad MS paint job mustache, but I don’t care for Oprah.

One time she made a point to say she went to a book store because, as she put it, “I buy my own books.” It still makes me angry to think about her saying that. How distanced from reality does someone have to be to think that anyone would be impressed by another person going to a book store and buying her own book. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT, OPRAH!

I’d wish her a horrible birthday, but she’s rich and will probably be eating her favorite meal with an amazing cake. What else could you really want on your birthday?

This Son Of A Bitch Is Ice Cold

Jeremiah Birkett Mustache Seinfeld Jean Paul

Jeremiah Birkett appeared as Jean Paul on Seinfeld. Jean Paul was a visiting marathon runner who once slept through his alarm to miss the Olympics. Here’s a clip of some of his scenes. I prefer the ones after George teaches him to swear like a Texan. 

Clay Guida – Steesh Fighter

Clay Guida Mustache

UFC had a big match in Chicago on Saturday. If you went to the United Center or out to a bar to watch the fights, you and I spent our nights a little differently. I went to a bar that had I, Robot on its one TV and ate a Tomato Grinder that had a little too much arugula on it.

I may have missed the fights, but it was hard to miss the mustache on Clay Guida. Clay fought Hatsu Hioki and won in a split decision. If looks could kill, Guida would have won at the opening bell, or whatever they do to signify the beginning of the fight.

Dustin Hoffman – Captain Hook

Dustin Hoffman Mustache

My cousin, who created this site and made every post for a few years, must be some kind of idiot for not having HOOK posted already. I’m going to give him a pass though because I didn’t think about it until right now when I was deep in an IMDB session checking out what Charlie Korsmo got into after acting (went to MIT, worked in missile defense, went to Yale, is now a lawyer).

JaVale McGee – Finger Steeshing (Safe For Work, I Promise)

JaVale McGee Mustache

Last night, JaVale McGee of the Denver Nuggets threw himself an alley-oop off the backboard and then celebrated by giving himself a finger steesh. I’ve never heard of JaVale McGee, and frankly I think saying his name aloud makes me sound like I’m having a stroke, but I can become a fan if he does more stuff like that.

Here’s the video:

Things Tobias Says

Things Tobias Says

I don’t know where this came from. I saved it on my computer and forgot to have a source, but it most likely came from the internet.

Paul MacLean Meet Paul MacLean?

Paul  MacLean Mustache Twins

Paul MacLean is the head coach of the NHL’s Ottawa Senators. He has one of the most unique mustaches I’ve ever seen. Or so it appears until you notice the man behind him looks exactly the same as Paul. If that isn’t his brother, I’m convinced we all have a doppelgänger out there somewhere in this world. I just hope mine isn’t out there giving us a bad name by committing crimes or yelling at children.

Michael Phelps and Ray Lewis Sitting In A Tree

Michael Phelps Mustache

Michael Phelps was on the sideline to watch the Ravens beat the Patriots last night. If I saw him on the street looking the way he did last night, there’s no way I would be able to recognize him. In fact, if I saw him anywhere dressed in anything other than a swim suit and swim cap, I probably wouldn’t take notice.

Phelps, who is a big fan of the Ravens, said that he drew inspiration from Ray Lewis to come back and train for the 2012 Olympic games. No word yet who Phelps murdered in order to start his comeback.

Happy Birthday, Kevin Costner!

Kevin Costner Mustache

We need more mustached men in the news. This website is turning into a celebrity birthday site and a place that I confess to all the bad movies and shows I’ve watched. Luckily for me, this one falls into the birthday category and I have not recently watched Dancing With Wolves. So – happy 55th birthday Kevin Costner.

Happy Birthday, Jason Segel

Jason Segel Mustache

Today is actor Jason Segel’s 33rd birthday and to celebrate he grew a mustache (in March of last year). And by grew, I mean he had a mustache. It could be fake. How the F am I supposed to know?

John Cho – MILF Guy #2 – American Reunion

John Cho Mustache American Reunion

If I only watched good movies like Seven Psychopaths I guess I wouldn’t appreciate them as much, so once in a while I’ll watch a heaping pile of garbage. Last night that garbage was American Reunion. I think if you’ve seen the first movie you’ve seen all 4, but this one had the added bonus of John Cho with a mustache. They still only list him in the credits as MILF Guy #2 and in his case it probably stands for Movie I’d Like to Forget.

Steeshy Psychopaths

These two guys were in Seven Psychopaths, which was an outstanding movie. I don’t know anything about either guy, but here’s a picture of some nice steeshes. The top guy is James Hebert and the bottom guy is Zeljko Ivanek. There you have it.

James Hebert Mustache

 

Paul Bearer A.K.A. Percy Pringle III

Paul Bearer Mustache

Bill Moody is better known to some of us as Paul Bearer or Percival Pringle III, a wrestler/manager in the WWF and other far less popular wrestling outlets. Moody has an actual a degree in mortuary science and is (or at least once was) certified as a funeral director and embalmer.

Paul Bearer first appeared in 1990 as a manager to The Undertaker. This is when the nightmares started for me. I haven’t watched wrestling in about 13 years but I think I could sketch this guys horrifying face since it’s burned into my brain. His face looks like a pile of dough that got some caterpillars and grapes stuck in it.

Guy N. Cognito – Homer Simpson’s Doppelgänger

Homer Simpson Mustache

Guy N. Cognito is Homer’s look-a-like who unfortunately enters Moe’s just as Homer has been kicked out. Moe beats him unconscious and tosses him to the street:

Homer: Oh, my God, this man is my exact double!
Homer: That dog has a fluffy tail!
Homer: Come here, fluff!

Bob’s Mustache

Bobs Burgers Mustache

Bob is the owner of Bob’s Burgers on the Fox show Bob’s Burgers. I’ve now seen 6 of these on Netflix and have ignored at least 5 minutes of each episode, so I don’t know if it’s a good show. The last one I watched had the owner of another restaurant forcing Bob to shave his mustache so that was difficult to watch.

Orlando “Tubby” Smith

Tubby Smith

Tubby Smith is the head basketball coach for the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers.    Orlando got the nickname Tubby because of the 17(!!!!) children in his family he most enjoyed being in the bathtub. This seems like a weird way to get a nickname, but with 17 children his parents were running out of good ones. After Tubby there was his brother “Sleeps A Lot” and his sister “Sometimes Hungry.”

Steesh Look-a-Likes: Johnny Depp and Val Kilmer

Johnny Depp Val Kilmer Mustache Look a like

I don’t know about this. I saw Val Kilmer in Tombstone last night and thought he resembled Johnny Depp for a minute. I may have been a little dehydrated or something.

If everyone looked the same just because they were wearing the same hat it would be impossible to coach little league because you would never be able to tell the kids apart.