Category Archives: Sports Steesh

RIP Tony Gwynn

RIP Tony Gwynn Mustache

Tony Gwynn: Rest In Peace – Rest In Steesh

Tim Lincecum Grows A Mustache For Picture Day

Tim Lincecum Mustache 2014

Tim Lincecum, who I think looks like Ms. Gultch from The Wizard of Oz, grew a mustache for the San Francisco Giants photo day. It was a good effort, but it ended up looking like he forgot to wipe the Oreo crumbs from his upper lip.

Jose Valentin Wishes You A Happy Valentine’s Day

Jose Valentin Mustache

 

Jose Valentin played baseball for 15 years and made $36,997,024 doing so. I bet he buys his girlfriend the 2 pound heart-shaped box of chocolates. I could only afford the 1 pound. I’ll let you know how she handles the news.

RIP David “Deacon” Jones – The Sackman

David Deacon Jones Mustache RIP

David “Deacon” Jones died at the age of 74. Jones was a defensive end in the NFL who came up with the term “sack” for tackling the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage. It sounds like Jones might have killed a raccoon or two as a child based on his description of a sack.

“You take all the offensive linemen and put them in a burlap bag, and then you take a baseball bat and beat on the bag. You’re sacking them, you’re bagging them. And that’s what you’re doing with a quarterback.”

Randy Mario Poffo – “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Randy Macho Man Savage Cardinals Minor League

Randy “Macho Man” Savage died 2 years ago yesterday. He was of course the Slim Jim hawking WWF wrestler, but he also played minor league baseball from the time he was 18. Pretty impressive steesh for such a young man.

Phil “The Power” Taylor (SFW)

Phil Taylor Mustache Darts 60 Minutes

60 Minutes Sports had a very cool story on Professional Darts in England. According to the story, Phil “The Power” Taylor is the Michael Jordan of darts. All of his titles are too long to list, so go here if you have a lot of time on your hands (you do because you’re reading this already).

The above picture is a much younger Phil than he appears today, but you gotta love that quaffed hair/steesh/chest hair combo he was rocking back in the 80’s! Phil said he’s made millions of dollars over the years and his arm is insured for $15 million.

I’ve caught darts on tv a few times and it’s always exciting to hear the announcers and crowd going bananas, but the 60 Minutes piece made going to a darts match look more fun than any other sporting event I’ve ever attended.

Shane Battier Has A Mustache, French Sounding Name

Shane Battier Mustache

Shane Battier has gone and grown himself a mustache. As a Bulls fan I don’t like anyone on the Heat as they are whiny babies but at least now I can respect someone’s facial hair, unlike LeBron’s straight Amish beard. Go Bulls!

Dennis Rodman Is Now An FBI Informant, Still A Goof

Dennis Rodman Mustache FBI Informant

Dennis Rodman, former basketball player, costar of Double Team, and all around goofball is now supposedly an FBI informant regarding North Korea. I guess it’s not that crazy since he is friends with Kim Jong-un. It is, however, a bit disconcerting that the FBI is counting on a former cast member of Celebrity Rehab to give them intelligence to help with national security.

Where The Steesh Have You Been?

Astors Fan Mustache

It’s been a while since I’ve posted because I’ve been traveling around watching the Astros or because I’ve been lazy and no one pays me to do this so why should I waste my time I’ve been busy at work. Above is a picture that Deadspin posted last week of an Astros fan with what can only be a very time-consuming mustache.

Kendall Gill Loses His Cool

Kendall Gill Mustache

I’ve had this picture saved on my computer since January 31, 2013 and thought it would be there forever. It didn’t seem like being a former basketball player and current analyst for the Chicago Bulls was gonna be enough to get him on steeshes.com. But then he PUNCHED A COWORKER. I made a bingo!

Derrick Rose Sports New Look After Recovery

Derrick Rose 2013

According to ESPN, Derrick Rose is not 100% physically due to some burning in his hamstrings. Also according to ESPN, Derrick Rose is a middle-aged white man with a mustache. Just kidding guys. I think this is an ad. We’re just having fun over here. It’s just for fun.

Rest In Peace – Paul Bearer

Paul Bearer Mustache

Bill Moody, better known as Paul Bearer has passed away. No official word on a cause of death but we’ve all been assuming it would be a heart attack since we first saw him in the early 90’s. Rest in Peace Paul. You were a great entertainer and had amazing facial expressions.

Jason Giambi Shows Young MLB Players What’s Up

Jason Giambi Mustache

“Hey Joba and Ian, if you’re going to have a weak mustache, take your shirt off and show the world your scary skull tattoo. This will draw attention from said weak mustache.”

– Jason Giambi

Ian Desmond – Getting Better Baseball Guys

Ian Desmond Mustache 2013

National’s shortstop Ian Desmond entered spring training with a decent lip cover, but compared to Joba Chamberlain he looks like Burt Reynolds.

Joba Chamberlain’s Mustache Is Pretty Sad

Joba Chamberlian Mustache 2013

For some reason, more than once in my youth, my mom dressed me up as a hobo for Halloween. Probably because it was an easy, affordable costume. I would wear old dirty clothes and my mom would put vaseline and coffee grounds on my face for a beard. It appears that’s what’s happening here with New York Yankee pitcher Joba Chamberlain’s mustache. He really ought to get a paper towel and wipe it clean as to stop embarrassing himself and real men with real mustaches.

Happy Birthday Charles Barkley

Charles Barkley Mustache

Happy 50th Birthday Charles Barkley! Sometimes I forget that Barkley was more than a funny, outspoken player. He is a member of the NBA Hall of Fame  He was an NBA MVP, a gold medalist on the Dream Team, an 11 time All-Star and finished his career with over 20,000 points, 10,000 rebounds and 4.000 assists. According to this picture, he also enjoyed going to see adult movies in the theater.

Will Ferrell Does What He Wants

Will Ferrell Mustache Lakers Game

Will Ferrell is pretty famous. He’s at the point in his career where he does whatever he wants. Last night, what he wanted to do was be an usher at the Lakers game. So he did it. He wore a pretty nifty mustache while doing it. Here is video of Ferrell escorting out an unruly fan:

Daryl “Razor” Reaugh

Daryl Reaugh Mustache

Daryl “Razor” Reaugh, or Daryl “I Lost My Razor” Reaugh as the insufferable Chris Berman might call him, is a retired goalie, and current color commentator for the Dallas Stars, The NHL on Versus and Hockey Night in Canada. I don’t know much about hockey ay, but this guys got a nice duster.

Josh Freeman As Michael Jackson With A Baby Tiger (Slightly Modified)

Josh Freeman Michael Jackson Mustache

ESPN the Magazine has put together a music issue featuring athletes posing as famous album covers. Here is Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Josh Freeman as Michael Jackson (slightly modified) on the Thriller cover.

The issue also features NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson as Bob Dylan and track and field sprinter Allyson Felix as Beyoncé. You’ve got to give it to ESPN the Magazine for knowing their audience. They took athletes their readers might usually not care about and dressed them up as musicians they probably don’t care about. 

The Ryan Brothers

Rex and Rob Ryan Mustache Oklahoma State University

Here’s a quick two-for-one to get us through til tomorrow. Rex and Rob Ryan are current NFL coaches but in 1981 they were members of the Southwest Oklahoma State University football team where they sported matching PENCIL THIN STEESHES!!!

What If They Grew A Steesh: Jim Harbaugh

Jim Harbaugh Mustache

I think adding a mustache to this picture of Jim Harbaugh is the only way to make him appear any CRAZIER, unless you were to surrounded him with like 35 cats.

Who Is Going To Win The Super Bowl?

Who is going to win the Super Bowl? Well it’s all up to Joe Flacco. Last year he had a pretty nice mustache and he went and shaved it off for some reason. If he comes out with a steesh on Sunday I’m betting all my money ($11) on the Ravens.

What Time Does The Puppy Bowl Start?

Puppy Bowl 2013 Mustache

Why the F would we know?! Unless this little guy is playing (or more likely “scouting talent” IYKWIM) we aren’t interested.

Wade Boggs Hates Deer

Wade Boggs Mustache Dear Heads

Wade Boggs is a former MLB third baseman who played 18 years for Boston, New York and Tampa Bay. According to this picture he loves his family. I bet every night his family goes to bed thankful that they are not deer because Wade HATES DEER.

There are 8 dead deer in this picture alone. In addition, in the top right corner of the picture there is the head of what is either a bear or maybe even a dog. Still the most disturbing part of this picture has to be the jean shorts he’s allowed his son to wear while cameras are around.

This picture comes from @si_vault on twitter, which is a fun place for old sports pictures of all kinds.

Clay Guida – Steesh Fighter

Clay Guida Mustache

UFC had a big match in Chicago on Saturday. If you went to the United Center or out to a bar to watch the fights, you and I spent our nights a little differently. I went to a bar that had I, Robot on its one TV and ate a Tomato Grinder that had a little too much arugula on it.

I may have missed the fights, but it was hard to miss the mustache on Clay Guida. Clay fought Hatsu Hioki and won in a split decision. If looks could kill, Guida would have won at the opening bell, or whatever they do to signify the beginning of the fight.