Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Steesh Stache Store

I resolved to stop wasting my time on social media this year, so I’ve begun wasting my time creating products no one will ever buy. And with that I’d like to introduce the Steesh Stache store:

mustache-products

Stay tuned for additional mustached merchandise and more!

 

donald trump mustache wall

I feel like this guy has been in the news a little bit lately. Here is Donald Trump with a fake steesh, which is possibly the only thing that could make him palatable.

I hope that some friendly Mexican boarder village builds a wall and paints the above mural on it just to warn anyone who has thoughts of immigrating here there’s a 50% chance of having to deal with Trump for the next four years.

The 2015 Year in Band Names

Every year the Onion’s AV Club compiles a list of their favorite band names of the year. The list is always worth reading and mostly crude.

Reading the list got me thinking of my deranged cousin who often tells me the names of his “new bands” via gchat. The names are often pulled from an article or news story, or whatever other nonsense we are discussing to pass a boring work day.

Like the AV clubs list it is worth looking over and mostly crude. Also, by publishing this post, I believe we own the copyright and will sue anyone who tries stealing this gold:

Suitcase of Donuts
Chemical Burger
Power Bears
Turkey Curtains – outlaw country band
Squirtin’ Curtains
Murder Squirter
Pete the Dolphin Friend – progressive bluegrass band
Fainting Goats – reggae band
Placenta for Days – coffee house folk band
Daze for Placenta – speed metal band
Hitler Playing Sega
Hair Mayonnaise
Lumberjack Bandit
Lumberjackit Band
Wheelbarrow Full of Cash – jazz band
Train Stuffing Tokyo – EDM
Fancy Tortillas – ska
Bird Strike
Reek for Weeks
Beef on Demand
Beef Reeks
Coral Beef
Beef Corral
Beef Reeks
Beef Leeks
Armed Children
Hood Donuts
Crude Weiners
Rude Weiners
Glued Weiners
Prude Weiners
Feud Weiners
Quintuple Double
Corpse-filled Boat
Gag on Banana – ska
Snake Mattress – christian metal band
Mattress Snake
Chauffeured Jag
Vomit Therapy
Commercial-free Wretching
Gaunt Polar Beer
Ronald Raven
Cash Cow
Facebook Threats
They Call Them Dinkies
So Many Holes!
Stretched Foreskin
Stretched 4 Skin
My van’s on the Internet?
Hotcake Syrup
The Economic Terrorists
Scumquat
Smear Job
6 Pitches, Zero Swings
Puff Lunch
Puff Munch
Munching Puffs
Merkin Puffs
Climaxing Mirman
Pinata Full of Hot Dogs
The Bar Hardening
The Perfect Beef
The Chocolate Combination
Zoomin’ on Wangs
Wayward Meat
Sir Valience
Heroin Meat Thieves
Screen Wipings
The Creamy Bananas
Porch Pirates
Carpentry Hot Dog
Carpenter’s Working Lunch
Table Saw Dawg
[guitar riff]
Prison Ham Farts
Hamdogger & the Fiscal Cliff
Fiscal Cliff Murder
Mud Slut
Baby Shield
Creeping Jungle Cat
Hope for Injuries
Transient with a Hatchet
Fishtank Airhose and the Colossal Apostle Fossils

If you are a betting man, you can probably expect to see at least one of these on the AV Clubs 2016 list of terrible band names.

Michael Showalter/Alan Shemper – Wet Hot American Steesh

 

Michael Showalter Mustache Alan Shemper Wet Hot American Summer
I don’t post on here anymore but it has come to my attention that the preeminent mustache archive was lacking a very important one. One of the best parts of one of my very favorite movies. Enjoy!

POLL RESULTS: Do You Like Your Job?

Thank you to everyone who participated in yesterday’s job poll. As I suspected, the majority of people do not like their jobs, and we have no professional athletes or movie stars visiting this website. Therefore, to amuse those struggling to get through the day, I can feel free to post pictures of famous people with mustaches, and they’ll never know if I make fun of them.

Leonardo Dicaprio Dancing Wolf of Wall Street

Zach Galifianakis Has A Mustache

Zach Galifianakis Mustache 2013

Zach Galifianakis, cousin or brother to Seth Galifianakis, trimmed his trademark beard into a mustache, accompanied by some chin-business. And I sure never imagined I’d be typing that sentence back in 2003 when I was a fresh-faced, wide-eyed freshman in college. The future was bright and I was going to really be something. But here we are.

For some reason I am getting a Bertram Cooper vibe from Zack here. Maybe if they make a Mad Men Babies he can play a young Bert.

Carlos Villanueva – Currently the Best Tickler in Baseball

Carlos Villanueva Mustache Cubs

Carlos Villanueva is a pitcher for the Chicago Cubs. He’s had a terrific start to the season thus far and it has absolutely everything to do with his stylish steesh. It’s refreshing to see a nice mustache on an MLB player after having to look at Joba Chamberlain and Ian Desmond during spring training.

Who Is Going To Win The Super Bowl?

Who is going to win the Super Bowl? Well it’s all up to Joe Flacco. Last year he had a pretty nice mustache and he went and shaved it off for some reason. If he comes out with a steesh on Sunday I’m betting all my money ($11) on the Ravens.

Orville Wright

Orville Wright and his brother who-cares-what-his-name-is-since-he-has-no-mustache Wilbur were the first to invent steeshcraft controls that made fixed-steesh powered facial hair possible. Orville volunteered to test it when Wilbur said he was too afraid. Orville’s courage earned him the respect of men and affection of women.

What If They Grew A Steesh: Creepy Librarian from Ghostbusters

This lady is the creepiest part of Ghostbusters, even before she is possessed by a ghost. She still haunts me til this day. Just as Bruce Wayne had to confront his fear of bats to become Batman, I will confront my fear of the creepy librarian to become Creepy Librarian Man.

Ernie Hudson

My goal was to get a picture of Andy Griffith with a mustache and I ended up with this. It appears that he stayed cleanly shaven his whole life. We don’t have to agree that it is the best look, but he had the right to do so. Then I searched for a picture of Don Knotts with a mustache. I figured his sidekick could stand in for him on this sad day. No go either. I didn’t want to add a mustache to a picture of Andy because it seems rude to do to someone who has just passed away, and I didn’t want to upset his ghost. That made me think of Ghostbusters, and so here we are.

Rest in Peace Andy Griffith. Don’t be a disruptive ghost and you’ll do fine in the afterlife.

Thomas Lennon

Lennon is probably best known for his role as Jim Dangle in the show Reno: 911!, but he is also a very successful screenwriter and script doctor. Most of his screenplays are written in collaboration with Ben Garant. 

Their films have earned over $1.4 billion at the worldwide box office. Considering one of those movies is Herbie Fully Loaded, 1.4 Billion is even more impressive.

In 2011, Garant and Lennon released a book about writing for film called Writing Movies for Fun and Profit: How We Made a Billion Dollars at The Box Office and You Can Too

Weird Al Yankovic

I really liked Weird Al when I was a kid. His songs kept me entertained for hours. I lost interested as I grew older but I’ve heard him interviewed recently and he seems like a nice guy. Paul F. Tompkins also told a great story in his last hour special about meeting Weird Al for the first time. I suggest you check out Laboring Under Delusions as it’s good, and Paul has a nice steesh himself.